I read an amazing book by Shauna Niequist a few years ago called Bittersweet. It spoke to me so profoundly that I told anyone who would listen about it. I even quoted her thoughts about change to my friends who were struggling. I learned a lot from it, but forgot much of it, too.
With great sadness, we learned our nanny is leaving us. We are sad because we love her and she is good to our children and we hoped we could lean on her during Rob's upcoming deployment...in 4 weeks. The Good Lord knows we tried everything we could to prevent it, but its just not meant to be. I have been fighting it for 2 weeks now and this morning, sick from the worry and hurt of the past 2 weeks, I remembered Bittersweet.
"This is what I've come to believe about change: it's good, in the way that childbirth is good, and heartbreak is good, and failure is good. By that I mean that it's incredibly painful, exponentially more so if you fight it, and also that it has the potential to open you up, to open life up, to deliver you right into the palm of God's hand, which is where you wanted to be all long, except that you were too busy pushing and pulling your life into exactly what you thought it should be... Change can push us, pull us, rebuke and remake us. It can show us who we've become, in the worst ways, and also in the best ways."
I have certainly made a hard push of fighting this change and I can attest that it is indeed incredibly painful. I also know it has delivered me into God's hand...his ever-gracious hand and He is working in me to make all things new and bright and beautiful.
I trust that healing will come, and soon. And I'm trying to let this wave of change, though unwanted, wash over me, reveal my own weakness and cause me to lean further into God's strength.
After all, we are blessed abundantly and absolutely beyond measure. I am married to my soul mate, my children are precious and healthy, I have a job that allows me to be the hands of Jesus every day, we have a dear family who fills in our gaps in a wonderful way and we've been blessed with friends, here and afar, who have stepped in to help us carry this burden. Thank you, thank you. God is GOOD.